With you impossible is nothing

Dear God

Please save him

I had 2-3 peope telling me earlier that i look like Perizaad Zorabian. Today, someone else told me the same and much to my amusement i instantaneously asked her if i shud feel happy or sad about it…lol. Now i never believed the people who remarked that earlier but now with Priya sayin that to me as well am still wonderin…it’s quite funny to think of it…*giggles*.

Ok now well that hardly matters to my existence or happiness….anyhow, i was brining in a different point is dis post.

And so i was just admirin my hair style in the mirror today. Yeah yeah i do that very often…haan haan everyday (some girlie traits never die..okiezie). Now i have this shoulder length hair, infact a lil below shoulder. Streaked golden brown. Not that bright gold please but dullish golden wid a tinge of brown.

Now I am not that typical obsessed with looks kinda gal but then i do spend fair amount of time admirin my locks. We all do that…don’t we…just that we feel shy to admit it. So while i was in the office loo givin my hair style more than the required attention at the wrong timing…i realised…

1. How much i (TOTALLY) love the dishevled and unkempt style when i just bun it up a clip casually without combing it.

2. In da past, i have had a boy cut(as a kid only please), a blunt cut (in the middle school days), a pony sorta sadhana cut ( high school time), razar cut ( now this ones is a galz one…dont cunfuse it wid guyz hair style terminology), and the most recent obsession being razar comibed with steps that gives a layered look to the hair. It just adds more effect to the colored streaks.

3. The only head massages i have ever had have been at home (mostly by mum)…and i am soooooo i love with that feeling of relaxation. Wow..sheer bliss.

4. My peculair habit whenever i cut my hair is that i don’t get ‘em blow dried. The feelin of semi-dry semi-wet hair gives after a head wash so refreshing.I just love the feel that it gives…heavenly!

5. I am not a one-shampoo person. Brand loyalty in shampoos is a big no-no for me…i have to try new shampoos each time….am such a sucker for it. Herbal Essences, L’oreal, Pantene, Nivea, Dove…blah blah i have tried so many and am still not a happy person with just one brand. Call it Shampoo fetish…i am a go-getter for those fragrances. They can do so much good on a bad hair day.

Next on my wish list is to get myself a nice hot oil massage in the parlor..accomplishment of which will be one down in my wishlist

That is how I feel, have been feeling and guess continued to be made to feel each time I shrug off the inner insecurities. It leaves me disenchanted each time i have tried to live the trust factor. The disbelief is compunded by the perception if trust lies in the realm of only words or can be seen through actions as well. I am amused at myself to have still not been able to figure out a way that convincingly explains me that actions should support words and vice versa.

So if i say i trust in you…am i also not trying to imply that i trust in both your words and deeds. Or would i have to not bow down in reverence of trust so much because the actions seem to be far different from what expressions convey.

I have trusted. I still like to believe that i trust. Maybe i can never give it up as well. On the contrary, i have also not trusted, i still do not trust and perhaps, will never get to trust with regard to cetain things. It would be easy to paint a picture for me and cast me as disapproving all the times. But hang on, that is haste. Indeed. Look within and I will tell you. I will confide in you why is it that I would love to trust but i cannot get myself to do it.

My life is not my life alone. What defines my thoughts, what guides my principles, what conjures up my emotions is all a part of the bigger picture. The World. The Big Bad World. The world that has belied my faith each time i have tried trustin it, the world that has mocked at my acceptance of a sorry, the world that has proved that in trust actions are anithetic to words, the world that has given me a reason to believe but snatched that very reason the very next moment, the world that likes me to call mad but doesn’t delve into the reason why i get miffed.

Stephen King said ” The trust of an innocent man is the lairs most useful too”. At best, i can do nothing but agree to it. Reel life sometimes transcends into real life. Infact, that is where the depictions in reel life come from. So when i saw the trust being beleaguered and stories surrounding the same showcassing how the good turns into bad and then towards the end the bad turns back into good again….I wonder! i really wonder if that actually happens in real life too. Reel life makes you believe that finally it is the goodness that prevails but how often does that happen in real life. Why are we glorifying reel picture when the real one is far away from the truth?

And it always remains that far every time you think you have inched closer to it. I like to believe, sometimes a little…sometimes no more cause when the trust gets betrayed its you and only you who is left to accept and sink in the most horrifying feeling that can cast an incessant spell on you no matter how fast, how far you try and run away from it.

I would have trusted a lot more but sadly, each time i do…I am thrown back to the shooting range where the bullets pass through each fiber of my being ..punishing me for again committing the mistake of trusting The Trust. It’s all a figment of imagination you see…the utopian world.

So i say, i shall let the trust keeping playing on me….let’s see to which end it takes me. The believers or the non-believers one!Sigh…it’s hard to accept when trust kills you.Take my word on it.

I seem to forget names of movies, songs, names and what not.Birthdays is sumtin i have never been able to remember.wait i can actually count on my finger and tell u that atmost remember 12 bdays in all of friends and family..and that too when i purposely try and remember them. The bday reminder bell only rings in my mind only after the bdyz is far from over. So if i havent wished you on ur bday (u being a close frd) just don’t mind it cuz i actually am forgetful and not that i knowingly don’t wish.

Tears are more special than smiles.

For smile can be given to anyone

but tears are shed only for the one we love.

- Anonymous

I think it takes a lot to realise the depth and true meaning of these lines.Am glad I do!

Thanks!

And with that gave the ability to think with a heart in my head

Not to say that boys don’t

But they surely don’t carry hearts on their sleeves either

Is that how God set the gal apart from the boy?

Or is it that boys don’t value what gals do?

Love, care, affection…

It comes out fearing seperation from death

Fear of death…i fear and so it brings on more care

God if you ever made me a guy

One thing for sure I know

I would neva make a gal cry